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Mature Adults Going Extinct
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According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the nation's population of mature adults has been pushed to the brink of extinction, with only 104 grown-ups remaining in the country today. The endangered demographic, which is projected to die out completely by 2060, is reportedly distinguished from other groups by numerous unique traits, including foresight, rationality, and personal responsibility.

"Our grown-ups are disappearing at a much faster rate than we previously believed," said Census Bureau chief Robert Groves, who believes the decline in responsible adults may now be irreversible. "If nothing is done, these individuals, with their special ability to consider the long-term consequences of their own behavior and act accordingly, will be wiped-out completely," Groves added.

The grown-up population has plummeted dramatically since 1950, when more than 24 million Americans could both admit when they were wrong and respect a viewpoint other than their own. Today, only one in three million citizens can provide thoughtful advice to a fellow human being instead of immediately shifting the topic to their own personal issues or what they had for lunch.

"It may seem odd to the rest of us, but for mature adults, occasionally putting the greater good ahead of their own interests or remaining calm when something does not go their way is commonplace," said anthropologist Arthur Ambler. "Imagine confronting a problem directly instead of pointing a finger, cowering in fear, or pretending it just is not happening," Ambler added.


http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-down-to-last-hundred-grownups,20491/
Filed under: Adulthood Age Humanity LOL Rationality Thinking
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